The Oven Has Been Drinking, Not Me   3 comments

The magic ingredients for my most amazing Christmas cake.

The magic ingredients for my most amazing Christmas cake.

I’m not usually one for Christmas baking, but an invitation to a pot luck tomorrow has prompted me to try a recipe I saw the other day on Facebook.

This involves laying down a layer of cookie dough, then placing Oreo cookies on top of that,  then pouring on a layer of brownie batter and then baking the sonuvabitch. This invitation to a sugar-fueled psychotic episode is indeed what I’ll be talking to the pot luck.

It’s the perfect dish for a bachelor such as myself to prepare because it all come in tubes or boxes. Assembling it is more a matter of chemistry than it is of baking.

To make it my own, as they say, I plan on  dumping a box of Smarties in with the Oreo layer, just to add a bit of colour. And some extra sugar.

Just in case it wasn’t sweet enough.

Doing this Christmas “baking” reminded me of a column I wrote for the Calgary Herald a number of years ago, in which I didn’t do much other than pass on another recipe sent to me by my friend, Jennifer. (I’m still amazed at the I got away with in that column for the Herald!)

I couldn’t find that column anywhere on my computer, but I did find the recipe on the internet.  (I don’t know who wrote it, originally, but I hope they don’t mind me sharing it.)

So here it is!  Hopefully it’s an inspiration to anyone doing some Christmas baking.

You should really try this recipe before the holiday season has ended.

Good baking!

Christmas Cake Recipe

You’ll need the following:

1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar

4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
1 bottle of whisky

Sample the whisky to check for quality.  Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again.  To be sure it’s the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one  teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup.

Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner.  If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt.  Or something.  Who cares?

Check the whisky.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.  Spoon the sugar  or something.  Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven.  Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don’t  forget to beat off the turner!

Throw the bowl out of the window.

Check the whisky again and go to bed . . . .


Goo night, and shanks fur weeding!

(And if you thought all of this was strange, check out this clip of Tom Waits on Fernwood Tonight!)

Tom Waits on Fernwood Tonight!

3 responses to “The Oven Has Been Drinking, Not Me

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  1. Pingback: More Blogs to Read and Follow … « Books: Publishing, Reading, Writing

  2. Thanks Coral. Merry Christmas to you too!

  3. Wow Eugene, with all that sugar, yourself and the guests will be bouncing off the walls.. the fruitcake sounds more “wholesome”… and fun!! Thanks for this funny post. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

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